So today is Father’s Day and there are tons of posts on Facebook about how daughters and sons celebrate their fathers. Today is one of the most difficult times of the year because for me it is a painful day. For those of you that don’t know me personally, I don’t have a father. Well, one that has ever been in my life. I don’t have any stories to share of how my father taught me about cars, taught me to fish, or how to be a better man. Nope, I never had that. It was all my mother, whom has a lot of problems. That is for another day. At times I wish someone could explain something to me that I can’t even begin to comprehend. How can a person take part in creating a life then vanish? How can someone simply not care about their partner or their own child?
There are days when I’m taken back to my childhood. Back to the park where my mother would take me to get out of our apartment for a while. My mother loved going to the park because she thought she was doing the right thing, and because she thought it made me happy. It didn’t. For me it was rather painful. So many times I would sit on a swing or a piece of equipment and watch others around me. It seemed like all the other children had mothers and fathers. I will forever remember the time watch a dad play with his two kids in the grass. Rolling, rough-housing, and laughing. In elementary school all of my classmates would notice my mother or my grandmother always picking me up after school. “Where is your dad?” It’s a question that I always heard and it’s a question that I never really knew how to answer. He’s gone. He left. I don’t have one. I never knew how to respond.
As I grew older the effects of not having a father around really began to show. Things would break or something would happen and I would have no idea of how to fix it. My mom would always call one of her brothers to fix a broken pipe or something of that nature. He would always look and speak to me as if I was illiterate. His manner would indicate that he was ashamed of me or that I was even his nephew. Luckily, I took an interest in aviation and that it what in a way saved me. I had found something to love and dream about. Being a pilot became a goal and is something I have wanted since the age of two. Things were very difficult on my mother. So many times she would be in her room screaming or crying, “I can’t do this anymore.” Suffering from severe depression, this situation exacerbated things to the point where she didn’t want to live. Forever etched into memory is the image and sounds of her crying, saying that I was better off without her. She almost gave me up for adoption, she wanted me to live with another aunt and uncle in the family. To this day I don’t think they know this information.
Believe it or not this subject even affected me going to college. As most of you know college is very expensive and being very young, I had no money. Struggling to pay her bills I had to put a higher education on hold just to keep my mother afloat. It even cost me giving up my pilot’s license on multiple occasions. A series of health issues, depression, and some bad financial decisions led to her problems. Unfortunately, because of the previous reasons, the relationship between my mother and I have been stressed to the breaking point. Looking back I wonder how things would have been different if my biological father would have just stood up like a man and took care of his responsibilities. I have no way of knowing.
On the bright side of things I have a new life. When Britni came into my life, the world changed. I have things that I never had before. Britni’s dad is the best man that anyone could ever hope to have. In a way he adopted me from the moment I began dating his daughter. He loved me even more when I asked to marry his daughter. I also gained something else, a sibling. Well, in-law. My future mother in law is an awesome lady. Tough, but a wonderful person nevertheless! With all of this being said, I can’t wait until we have children. I want two and Britni wants four! Hey, I don’t mind if we end up with that many. I’m dreaming of the day when I can take them to the park, teach them how to fish, play with them in the grass, and hopefully share my love of aviation with them. With a pilot’s license, the world would be complete! Thankfully my future wife supports my dream. I saw this meme on Facebook describing what a father is. It went something like this. You are not a father by simply having a child. You are a father by raising your child. I couldn’t agree more. There are worse ways to grow up and things could have been much worse. People out there have suffered a worse life. I just hope that people read this and really think about what they are doing in life. A single decision can affect more than one person and the results can be positive or negative. If you have a father that is in your life and has always been there for you, make sure you give him an extra hug, or at the very least an extra thank you. Your life could be very different. JoeJoe
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